The Cat Lady Survival Kit

(for those who have been chosen)

Blog by Anita Driessen

Did you know April is officially Cat Lady Month?
Yes, it is.

And can you believe the term “Cat Lady” was once considered negative?
Now all of us are over here like –

“Don’t threaten us with a good time – bring more cats!”

So, in honor of this sacred season, I’ve put together a short survival guide.

Know you are seen.

Physical Survival Kit

(tangible things… more or less)

Essentials of the Trade

A lint roller in every room – this may be obvious but it's sometimes the simple things that get forgotten.

A backup lint roller, just in case things escalate.

One emergency outfit the exact same color as your cat — so if you have to leave quickly and your lint roller is out of tape, you’re fine. The fur is still there. It’s just… invisible now.

Domestic Adjustments

You no longer sit wherever you want to — you sit around the cat.

Plans may be canceled if the cat is sleeping on your chest… so keep yourself surrounded by understanding friends-you will most likely cancel plans 4 out of 5 times.

Every surface is shared now. This is just how it is.

Emotional Readiness

You will talk to them like a person.
You will narrate their thoughts.
You will believe they understand you (they do…they just don't care, but you care, enough for the both of you and you’re ok with that.)
At some point, you will start referring to yourself as “we.”

Some felines can get quite moody — I know, news flash, but it’s true.
Keep small bandages nearby, just in case you pet your sweet gato three times.
They like two pets. That’s it.
Anything beyond that?
Getting scratched is on you.

And when they climb onto you, stare into your soul, and start making biscuits…
this is the ultimate connection.
Do not move. Do not question it.
You are the biscuit now.
Just be the biscuit.

Night Protocol

Assume your position (slightly twisted, deeply committed).

Do not disturb the sleeping creature.

Prepare for 3am zoomies.

Accept paws to the face as a form of affection. (See the final point in Emotional Readiness – “be the biscuit.”)

Cat Lady Realities

There will be hair. Everywhere.
It will defy logic.
It will become part of your life… and possibly your diet.
You will stop worrying about it.

Final Reflection

You did not choose this life.
You were selected.

And honestly?

You wouldn’t have it any other way.