If house cats ever achieve world domination, we need to discuss a few things immediately.
First of all: black clothing would be impossible. That’s a given.
Secondly: I personally picture Cat World Domination meaning that somehow… cats became huge.
I mean, dinosaur huge.
Like your regular house cat—but now the size of a brontosaurus. I’m thinking specifically of my late cat Lulu (23 pounds in all her glory and roughly the size of a Megalodon—sheesh). Read about her here in Rescue Tails.
Experts believe the greatest threat during Cat World Domination (aka CWD) wouldn’t actually come from the highly intelligent long-haired breeds.
It would come from the Council of Orange Cats.
A powerful and deeply chaotic leadership group operating almost entirely on instinct, enthusiasm, and absolutely no impulse control.
Thirdly: the cities themselves would change completely.
Construction cranes would dangle giant feather toys over entire downtown districts. Massive scratching posts would replace skyscrapers. Yarn factories would become national landmarks. Entire highways would exist solely for midnight zoomies and ‘hangtime’.
Of course, once you start imagining cats at this scale, certain scientific concerns naturally arise. Well, for me anyway.
For example: if regular cat dander already destroys people with allergies, what happens when the cat itself weighs 10 tons?
Would you even have allergies anymore because the dander particles are simply too big? Or would it become a monstrous disaster for our friends with cat allergies?
Would there be airborne fur storms?
Could one Maine Coon shut down an entire city block during shedding season?
I mean, would all the beaches become gigantic litter boxes-would this be our new career? Beach clean up.
The outlook feels grim.
But thankfully, we’re okay.
For now.
And if you’d like to stay in their good graces should Cat World Domination arrive, we suggest treating your feline companions like the kings and queens they already believe they are.
Because let’s be honest… this (technically) is a human-dominated world, and some humans are, well… problematic. You can kind of understand how the cats feel sometimes.
Play with them at least 15 minutes a day—or until they bite you. Either way counts.
And most importantly: love them.
Because if Cat World Domination ever does happen, we have a feeling the cats will remember who was kind.
Or they’ll just eat you.
